Sunday, December 05, 2004


they seek him here, they seek him there

how to look like manho

1 never buy any item of clothing yourself. like, what do you know about clothes, right?
2 never let your wife, girlfriend or partner buy clothes for you.
3 never buy clothes new from a shop if you don't want to look like all the other dorks walking around.

these are the three cardinal rules of clothes shopping. i hear you asking, yeah, but what do i wear then? ok, this is what you have to do. you have to look around at all your friends and choose the one with the most unusual, or original, or interesting taste in clothes and you have to get her (it's always a woman) to buy your clothes for you from second hand shops.

4 never be tempted, however, to buy clothes from a second hand shop yourself. this is even worse than buying them new from a normal shop. you won't look like all the other dorks but you will look like a refugee from albania.

5 don't try to compromise by buying expensive new clothes from one of those "casual fashion" shops. you won't look casually fashionable, you'll just look like woody allen.

it all seems like negative advice, right? i'm trying to think of something positive but without success. shoes, i guess, you have to buy new and that's why most people's shoes look like shit. shoes are a whole other category and you really need a "shoe woman" just to specialize in that area. difficult one.

6 don't ever accept clothes as presents for christmas or birthdays (let it be known you'd rather have book or record tokens), and if you really can't refuse then do not ever actually wear the item, especialy if it's yellow.
7 never wear a hat.
8 however stupid you feel in the clothes bought for you by your arty friend just wear them and forget about it. you'll get used to them eventually.
9 white socks are obviously pathetic but you probably know that already, right?
10 never go to a barber or hairdresser. find another woman to cut your hair.

I thought this was going to be an entry about The Scarlett Pimpernel.

Sound advice sir.
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