Friday, January 14, 2005


Splish Splash, Van's Taking a Bath

by Glenn Cripes

Remind me to send manho a 'thank you' fruit basket. This week's album is No Guru, No Method, No Teacher by Van Morrison. I wonder what made nick think of Van Morrison?

You got to hand it to Van. He has a unique style and he creates a world all his own. Problem is, it's a world of sofas with plastic covers, candy on the table that you don't want to eat, and you're surrounded by knick knacks that you can't touch because they're supposed to be sacred. The temperature in the room is just a little too high. Everyone sits around and mumbles platitudes while a crap seventies fake jazz record plays in the background. No one laughs...funny is forbidden. I don't care for Van's world--it smells funny.

Van pounds out another sacred gift to his legion of followers

Van Morrison's daily checklist:

Hope it rains.
Find a garden to stand in (with any luck it'll be near a church).
Find a woman with a broken spirit and bore her to death.
Collect a batch of hoary cliches.
Throw them in a pot and make a record.
...oh yeah, don't forget to act like a f***ing asshole.

Van finds a groove and wallows in it. He makes a point and belabors it. Some music uplifts me--stuff like this just pisses me off. The glossy instrumental top layer of this album repels me like the perfume of a Persian pimp.

That's all I got this week. I'm gonna take a long shower.

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