Wednesday, January 19, 2005


you'll wonder where the yellow went...

proctor and gamble: a friend to the housewife

i was having trouble at the weekend with one of those stubborn little food stains on my best ben sherman shirt so, as usual i "got out the ace" as the tv jingle goes:

i've been using bleach for twenty or thirty years and i've tried all the other brands: wc clean, smac, omino bianco, and i have to say, they all suck ass. and that's the "name" brands! as far as the "supermarket own labels" are concerned you can just forget it, they are total shit. i had an egg stain on my levi's once and a supermarket own brand just would not remove it.

so i'd like to say thanks to proctor and gamble for concocting such a great little product. ace has, quite frankly, never let me down. it's good for every type of stain, too: grease, fat, lard, sperm, tomato sauce, egg, red wine, summer fruits, etc.

and the great thing about proctor and gamble is that they don't only make the "ace classic" but they have a whole fucking range of ace products to help the busy, and often stressed, housewife to "do her chores" with a smile. check out these other ace bleach products:

ace blu, for the really tough stains: bacon, egg, wild rosehip, axle-grease, monkey's piss, etc. this is a boon for the houswife whose hubby works in the shipbuilding industry or has a pet monkey, etc.

ace gentle. this is for the housewife with delicate hands or a serious skin problem (scabies, finger rot, athlete's feet, etc).

ace profumo di marsiglia or, in english "marseilles smell". this "niche product" removes all traces of a visit to marseilles. let's face it, the place stinks, right? french housewives are particularly grateful to proctor and gamble for this one.

and finally...

ace montagna or, in english, "mountain". this product cleans the vomit and ingrained bloodstains from your skiing togs after that particulary nasty multiple fracture of the leg.

so remember, don't buy other companies' products, they are shite. stick to proctor and gamble. remember the slogan, "ace is ace!"

P & G is very well known to be run by satanists
They don't have the marseille one in Canada...12 years later and I *still* smell like a filthy frenchman.
"P & G is very well known to be run by satanists"

not true but well known.
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